March 3rd

Losing a child is hard, at any stage of life. Losing a child halfway into pregnancy is hard because there are still so many dates to get through after your baby is born. You don’t just walk through it that day and the days following. You have to continually walk through it and prepare to face the “supposed to be” days. Then once you make it through all the big marks, you still walk through it the rest of your life. Today we should have been holding our baby boy. Pink and fat and crying, his hat should have fit him. The stillbirth certificate should be a birth certificate. Nursing. Sleepless nights and spit up. There isn’t a day that passes I don’t think about what life should look like right now, what he would have looked like. I tried to prepare for this day but nothing could have truly prepared me. It sucks, and life is not always good and I hate today. But deep down we know the God is still good, our son LIVES, and “all that I’ve needed thy hand hath provided. Great is your faithfulness Lord unto me”.